The concept of aging is different from culture to culture, changing throughout time. Aging can be seen as an achievement, a respectable feat, or it could be looked down upon through the lens of societal usefulness and physical fertility. The latter is what I've experienced and see all around me. I hear it, feel it, and see it settled into the psyches of everyone around. As a woman in my thirties, I have wonderful friends in their early twenties to late seventies, ranging in various genders. Older friends in their powerful sixties ask why I would want to create a friendship with someone of their age. Skeptical and unsure of my intentions, they look at me with a reflection of learned beliefs they have unknowingly taken on. I could be unaware of this position and could come to a different understanding once I'm there. Finding love with an older man has recently posed a similar question. "Me? But why." A question that is heartbreaking to hear; a question that I wish I could skillfully answer with words that express my admiration and the simplistic value of another human being.
We all carry beliefs that we are unaware of that have been passed down through family and culture. The rippling effect of generational belief systems can be felt for several decades and beyond. My grandmother spoke to me about missing out on important stretches of her life because she was in full concentration of being a smaller waist size. I see what a life time of this toxic encouragement can do. The pressure of anti-aging serums, talk of keeping up what was, and what is expected of us to "let go" by whatever age is palpable. Cut your hair short by a certain age, ditch the heels, and just blend in.
It seems we have been been unconsciously taking on the duty from a young age to push along the narrative that we loose value, diminish in wort, as we grow wiser. We see people discarded, invisible to the world. We fight grey hairs, wrinkles, and changing bodies. Paying incredible amounts of our income to keep up the hair color, the elasticity of our skin to completely miss the point of being here. I say this with serums lining my cabinet, padding in my bra, curl moisturizers in my hair, and eye brightening makeup to cover the heaviness of the last few months. There is a fine line between self care and the pit falls to being more "desirable".
I would love to see our American culture reintegrate new/old concepts of valuing our elders and selves as we are. A tall order, and an extreme pivot from where we find ourselves now. What does this pivot look like to you? Would your self worth be effected by this?
Much Love,
Gabrielle